I am having a wonderful time in life. I am traveling in the Hindi heartland, eating non-idli and non-dosa food and I am having conversations which let me walk away “dry”. Simply put, I am absolutely ecstatic and the other day I celebrated my homecoming by watching Sallu Bhai’s Veer.
My expectations with the movie were realistic. I had prepared myself for 3 hours of preposterous content and mindless valor by our own He-Man. What I had not expected though was the presence of an equally formidably well built heroine. One of my friends tells me that her striking resemblance to a Bollywood beauty combined with all those extra pounds have earned her the epithet - Fatrina Kaif. Well thought.
The story is simple. Sallu bhai is the son of one of the warrior leaders of the clan of Pindaris. Pindaris are ferocious warriors who always keep their promises and probably as a result of one such promise, Veer (Sallu bhai) is born to the clan leader. Veer grows up to be a star warrior and falls for the fat princess who turns out to be the daughter of his clan’s enemy. The romance blooms in England and India till about 3 quarters of the movie.
All this while, Veer keeps on reinforcing his strange desire to pull out flesh from random people’s bodies. His famous dialogue goes – “ Jahan se pakdoonga, 5 ser gosht nikaal loonga” which roughly translates into – “I will pull out 5 Kgs of flesh wherever I grab your body”. The story doesn’t highlight the significance of the “5 Kgs” anywhere but I kept hoping that somewhere in the story, Veer would help the fat princess shed some weight by applying his flesh extraction skills on her. Instead, he lets the fat princess bite him on the wrist and thanks her for the bite mark with the most romantic dialogue of the movie – “Arey, aapne to mujhe ghadi de di!” (Hey, you’ve given me a freakin’ watch on the wrist!)
Just as all was going well, the princess’s father makes an entry . Laden with jewels and an unusually long artificial hand made of gold; Jaggu dada looks like a cross between Bappi Lahiri and a Gorilla. He takes the heroine back to India and what follows is a series of motley events and random promises made by the Pindaris one of which leads to our Veer being fatally pierced by a bullet.
The script writer would have expected the audience to be shattered at this moment and so he puts a twist in the tale. He gets our Veer pindari to make one last promise as he dies – the promise to come back! And Lo! He cometh back as his own son to fulfill a hitherto unfulfilled promise; a promise to throw his erstwhile father (now his grandfather) into a pool of water.
There could only be one reason to watch this movie – Sallu Bhai’s intense dialogues rendered with the expression of severe constipation on his face. Although it can not be denied that Fatrina’s performance does carry some weight. You bet :P
Haaaaahahahahaha! I only just read this! Meanie. Its like you have something against the poor heroine and this whole post was about extracting your pound of flesh... whatte Pindari of you.
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